One of the hardest experiences that we face personally, and as parents and educators, is when we and our families pray for someone – or something to happen – and it does not work out the way we hoped and prayed for. We then live with the feeling that we turned to Hashem and Hashem did not answer us.
While we instinctively understand that we finite beings do not understand the ways of the infinite Hashem, we still like to feel that our prayers were listened to and answered. It was a few years ago that I heard someone complaining to a Rav that Hashem did not answer his prayers, and the Rav looked him straight in the eye and said the following: “Hashem did answer. He answered “no”.
Notwithstanding the above, I would like to share a personal story that I experienced recently that made it very clear to me that the “no” of Hashem could be the opening of something so much greater. All the details of the story, and the many fascinating miracles associated with answers from the Rebbe that I received from the Rebbe, would fill an entire multi-page article; thus I will suffice with a summary of some of the raw facts and details.
In short: During the Covid-epidemic recovery, the United States Government unveiled a program called PPP loans. These loans would help institutions that were forced to close down, continue paying their staff salaries for a few months. For non-profits there was an additional special bonus: These loans were forgivable and thus would be the equivalent of a donation from the Government. Our Yeshiva, like many, opened a special bank account in which we could designate the funding to this specific program. We received the money and the forgiveness and we were happy.
A little while later, the Government unveiled a second round of PPP loans but these would be loans that would not be forgiven but would have a small interest rate. I was advised to apply for it (equivalent to about 45,000.00) and to keep things smooth and easy, I would use the same account that had received the previous round of money. I applied on the first day of the grant opening and received an email shortly later that I was approved and would receive the money in a few days.
After a few days, I checked the bank account and the money was not there. I was told that there was an issue with the bank account. I was very confused, as this same account had received the first grant. I tried calling different people and nobody could figure out this mystery and then I was informed that too much time had elapsed and I was no longer eligible for the second loan.
Being open and transparent, I was frustrated and upset. I could not understand how our institution – who did everything legal and correct – would get messed over by a technicality like this. After-all: isn’t the whole program in essence just to help institutions of Torah? It took me a few days to “let it go” and just accept the will of Hashem.
A few weeks later, I received an email from the Ohio Department of Education: They are notifying all schools that there is a new grant – Not a loan! – that is available to schools. There is only one condition (as you may have guessed by now): Only schools that did not get the second PPP can apply. We applied and received 140,000.00!.
A few months after that I received another email that there is still some extra money from the program and they will choose 20 schools in the whole state (that did not get the PPP loan) to give additional funding. I replied that I would like to be considered for one of the 20 schools (which was a very small chance) and I forgot about it. A few weeks later, I received an email that we were chosen as one of the 20 and we will now get another large amount of funding!
Why am I writing about this now? In addition to being an important topic and discussion, I had a continuation of the miracle this week. At the end of Tishrei, I received an additional email (after two years of quiet), that there is still some additional funding left that they will be giving to a few schools. This past Monday (Rosh Chodesh Kislev!), we received the good news: We were awarded another amount of additional funding for the needs of the Yeshiva!
This is all from a “no” that we received for a 45,000.00 loan that I was so upset about. I learned a tremendous lesson from this story, in Bitachon that “Gam Zu LeTova”, and I hope you will as well.
Please feel free to share your thoughts on the above by sending me a personal email: [email protected]
